IDENTIFY YOURSELF )
For years I ask myself who was I .Even when I know I was losing, I still act like I was winning. Even when I was hurting inside I tried to keep the same level of composure .It, that ate away at me. My life been complicated, but I was my own worst enemy. I've constantly made decisions knowing they were wrong decision and naive and immature me couldn't get it.
Fast forward to the me now, I understand what it means to be a man because I was raised by a man. Of course my mother was there .I would , as a male child would,mimicking his male role model and that was normal. So I acted as he would act w/some of the same mannerisms.
But the understanding, that ,I had to get through life's trials .I had to start to hold myself accountable and only then would I strive to be responsible .I was hard on myself for years. It made me upset and almost miserable. I had to catch myself .I had a 80 years sentence and I had to do it as normal and comfortable as I may.
What I did next was faced some of my demons head on. Some days were better than others. I went and applied for a job and over applied myself just to escape mentally and all at the same time feel needed which gave me a small sense of purpose. I worked extra hard losing my past nonchalant attitude about working for a prison.
I've always seen my life turning out different, but how different really. I would like to think I not a bad person. I don't strive to be the bravest guy in the room. I know I'm afraid of things. I know I'm afraid of getting hurt mentally and physically. I don't want to ever hurt no one else again. But then I look at my circumstances and it bothers and scares me to know I'm in a dangerous place around certainly dangerous individuals. Being honest, most men here are mostly harmless unless they feel disrespected, threatened ,ashamed or embarrassed. Or pressured by their peers. Over all its a place of confused men whom DO NOT KNOW THEMSELVES. No matter how on the exterior it appears they have it all figured out. Because chances are we don't and I had to learn I surely didn't .
I went years searching for ,waiting on me to identify myself. Then I started to realize I wanted more. I felt my life can and will be fulfilling. I made a mistake in my past that warrant me being hated forever. But that's not what GOD intended. GOD'S will must be fulfilled. I say all that to say, whomever name you call when you pray always intend for life to be fulfilling, now the question is what do you intend on making life for you. Because to have faith is just not enough. Faith w/out works is nothing .That means you have to IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!
Musa Salam Parrott #1093990
B.K.C.C
P.O.Box 430
Dillwyn, Va. 23936- 0430
via email @Jpay.com
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